A "Twelve Days of Christmas" Remix To Fit Military Life

Mon, Nov 30, 2015 @ 08:11 AM Mary Ann Eckberg Military Life

christmas_notes_music.jpgYou may have heard it. It’s everywhere. It’s playing on the radio, on TV ads, in the stores, and even at the dentist’s office. From the festive jingle of bells to the smooth saxophone interludes, ‘tis the season for Christmas music.

While familiar tunes do stir my holiday spirit, I feel that one particular song needs a reality check. Consider this verse from the song “The Twelve Days of Christmas."

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love sent to me:

Twelve Drummers Drumming
Eleven Pipers Piping
Ten Lords a Leaping
Nine Ladies Dancing
Eight Maids a Milking
Seven Swans a Swimming
Six Geese a Laying
Five Golden Rings...
Four Calling Birds
Three French Hens
Two Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree.

Even if you're the hunting/outdoorsy type, just say “no” to gifts of fowl. Swans, geese, hens, doves, even the partridge are most likely not allowed in military housing. Also, you can bet I will need eight maids doing more than milking if I have all these people dancing, leaping, and drumming around the house. The gift of golden rings may be a win, as long they are hypoallergenic.

Let’s consider for a moment a rewrite of the lyrics to “The Twelve Days of Christmas” to fit military life.

On the first day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

a trip to the thrift store where I magically find Polish pottery.

On the second day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

Orders! This long-awaited paperwork defines where our next assignment may lead.

On the third day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

a premium property listing on MilitaryByOwner, making PCS easy-as-can-be.

On the fourth day of Christmas, this military life offered me... 

moving boxes actually packed well and labeled correctly.

On the fifth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

 a chance to Facetime or Skype with steady connectivity.

On the sixth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

all appliances around the house working, trouble-free!

On the seventh day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

a medical referral that fits within what Tricare may decree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

a rock-star parking space, on payday, at the Commissary.

On the ninth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

 a batch of military friends without a token “drama queen.”

On the tenth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

a favorite coffeehouse serving up a discount with a military ID.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

ample leave to spend with friends and family.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, this military life offered me...

gifts from my in-laws with a handy “return” policy!

All of this is a pretty tall order for my Christmas wish list, but I think I’ve remained on Santa’s “nice” list? Guess we’ll wait and see.

No matter what tune may be stuck in your head this holiday season, here’s hoping the celebrations you share with your military family and friends are memorable for years to come!

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photo: alexkich/Dollar Photo Club