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November 21, 2023

    7 Ways Military Spouses Can Face the Holidays Alone During Deployment

    As I write this, Christmas jingles are playing on TV commercials, the town center nearby has its holiday decorations up, and I’m sure someone (not me!) already has their holiday cards addressed and stamped—maybe even mailed.

    Feeling the holiday spirit yet? If so, great!

    But for some military spouses, the upcoming holiday season may not bring thoughts of joy this year. During my husband's last deployment, I often expressed the wish that I could pull the covers over my head in November and wake back up in January so I could simply skip all the trappings of the holiday season and feign interest when my heart wasn't really in it.

    If you’re facing a deployment during the holidays, which may also be compounded by distance from extended family or living in another country, consider some alternative ways of celebrating Christmas...and maybe you'll find a little bit of that holiday spirit.

    7 Ways Military Spouses Can Face the Holidays During Deployment

    1) Skip the gifts this year. 

    What? (I heard that gasp.) Perhaps this is the year to think outside the box, literally, and decide on one collective family gift. Consider tickets to an event you wouldn’t normally go to or plan a fun family trip to look forward to when the military member returns home.  

    mother and son with Christmas candles

    Photo from Canva

    2) Give to someone else.

    Maybe you don’t need or want any gifts this year or you just can't bring yourself to face holiday shopping, even if it's only online. Consider giving to a military oriented organization such as the USO or a local organization. Giving back can help you feel like you’re making a true difference in other people’s lives.

    3) Living overseas? Go local! 

    If you’re stationed overseas, embrace the different-to-you celebrations in your area and experience the holidays in a whole new way.
     
    Whether it’s at the beach on an island or strolling through a Christkindlmarkt in Europe (which I highly recommend, by the way!), trying a new food or activity might help you get out of the holiday funk for a little while.  

    Christmas market in Germany

    Photo from Canva

    4) Focus on quality time. 

    For all of us, this may be the year to accumulate experiences rather than piles of more stuff. Some simple ideas:
     
    • Combat the dark winter days by watching a sunrise together, coupled with a mug of your favorite hot beverage.
    • Surprise your kids with an ultra movie marathon of their favorite holiday movies.
    • Gift everyone a new book and spend a quiet day reading. 
    • If you’re recently moved, host a cookie exchange with your new neighbors.
    • Load up the kids, dog, and hot cocoa in the car on Christmas Eve and take a drive to look at lights, as this will likely be the day they’re at their brightest!

    mother and child preparing cookies

    Photo from Canva

    5) Look outward.

    Drop off goodies or cards to other deployed spouses, elderly neighbors, or the local nursing home. Likewise, holiday yummies or handmade cards may be appreciated by those working during the typical "off" days, like the military installation’s security forces, gate guards, firefighters, and others.
     
    dad baking with baby and toddler

    Photo from Canva

    6) Create new memories. 

    If you’re currently going through a deployment or long separation from your spouse, it may feel important to keep some of your regular traditions for everyone’s sake. But maybe it’s time to add a new twist? Decide to spend the day in pajamas or get takeout for Christmas dinner, rather than preparing a large meal yourself. Then reward yourself with a long winter’s nap!
     woman reading a book in bed in log cabin

    Photo from Canva

    7) Give yourself permission to handle the holidays how you choose...without apology. 

    Whatever you decide to do or not do, remember that the holidays during deployment are stressful and sad. Don't add to the burden by placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. Next year's holiday season will roll around again before you know it!
     
    While you may be feeling more Grinch-like than festive these days, approaching the holidays creatively can help make the holidays less of a time to slog through so you can get past them and instead become a surprising time of creating new memories.
     
    We wish you the best holiday season, wherever your military family is stationed! 
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    Jen McDonald

    Author

    Jen McDonald

    Jen McDonald is the Content Editor for MilitaryByOwner Advertising, an award-winning author, speaker, and longtime advocate for military spouses. With over 30 years as a military spouse, Jen created her own path, raised four kids, supported her husband's Air Force career, and navigated the challenges of military life. Now, she shares her insights and encouragement with fellow military families through writing, podcasting, and public speaking. Jen is the author of You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse, and Milspouse Matters: Sharing Strength Through Our Stories, books offering support to military families. Her nonfiction writing has earned multiple awards, including a Gold Medal from the Military Writers Society of America and a Silver Award from Foreword INDIES. Now settled in Texas, Jen is working on her debut cozy mystery novel and reveling in the joys of grandparenting. She’s learned to write in the margins of life, tapping away at her laptop during early mornings or kids' sports practices. Connect with Jen at her site, Jen McDonald and Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.